


Conversations with daft people

by millygal



Category: Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Crack, Dialogue-Only, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 14:41:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10641975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/millygal/pseuds/millygal
Summary: "Well then, the pair of yer are demoted to traffic duty for a month"





	

"How many times...It's not polite to stare"

"Bu..bu.."

"Look, they're just doin' what comes natural, stop makin' such a fuss"

"Bu..bu.."

"For God sake Chris. Stop gawkin'"

"Bu...Sam and..and the Guv and.."

"If you don't stop pointin' I'm gonna come over there an' kick your arse for yer"

"When..how?"

"Oh I dunno, probably the same way we did and when, no clue...since he got 'ere I'm guessin'"

"It's..it's..not natural"

"Why, we do it, what's so wrong with them doin' it?"

"It's just, I never thought, never imagined.."

"Please, Chris, stop makin' a scene"

"I'm sorry but I always pictured..urm, well, not...you know"

"When exactly did you develop such a problem with it, we do it every Thursday night"

"Yea but we're I mean we're, and they're..they..

"It's just a game of scrabble, what's the bloody problem!"

 

   
  
  
  


 

"You 'ave gotta be shittin' me!"

"Why?"

"Well, I mean, come on Gladys, no way"

"But...you promised"

"I don't care if I offered up my mother as sacrificial payment. No"

"You agreed last night"

"I'd have agreed to anythin' with your tongue wrapped round..."

"That's not the point, you can't go back on your word"

"I can, I am, this is me, goin' back on my word, see?"

"Fine!"

"Don't pout"

"...."

"Aww come on Gladys, no fair"

"..."

"Fine, bloody fine!"

"So I can..."

"Yea, you can"

__

BringBring

"Chris?"

"Yo"

"Tell Ray, tomorrow night, double date. You bring the Parcheesi board"

"Rayyyy, tomorrow night okay?"

"NO!"

"Sorry Sam, I'll ring ya back"

 

 

   
  
  
  
  


"When exactly did you become a complete and utter girl?"

"'Bout the same time you became a pigheaded thick skulled twat"

"Cheeky fucker"

"I'll stop bein' a cheeky fuck when you stop bein' a stubborn twat"

"I'm not doin' it Chris"

"Why not?"

"'Cos I don't have any particular burning desire to go down in history as the biggest dickhead in Manchester"

"You won't 'ave to, Sam's livin' 'ere in't he?"

"I heard that"

"You were 'sposed to"

"Will you girls stop pullin' hair and get on with it"

"No"

"Aww come on Ray, stop pouting, makes your 'tache twitch"

"Gladys, when he beats you black an' blue, I am not gettin' involved"

"You wouldn't let him hurt me Gene, you love me too much"

"Ha! Debatable"

"*Snerk*"

"You can shut up an' all Christopher, you ain't no better"

"Oi, don't start on me, just 'cos you don't wanna look like a prat"

"I'm not the one who put our names down, am I?"

"No Guv"

"No, that would've been brainiac over there"

"Actually, it was Chris's idea, I just signed up"

"Well then, the pair of yer are demoted to traffic duty for a month"

"Hey!"

"No fair"

"That'll teach ya to meddle with a DCI"

"Like it taught me the other night you mean?"

"Too much info Tyler"

"Sorry Carling, didn't know you were squeamish"

"AND NOW...ANNOUNCING THE 'BOYS IN BLUE' SINGING ABBA'S POPULAR 'WATERLOO' IT'S SAM, GENE, RAY AND CHRIS"

"....."

"....."

"....."

"....."

 

 

 

 

"When are you gonna learn, trust the Gene Genie"

"If the Gene Genie hadn't started a fight, in the middle of a bloody United pub, we wouldn't be stuck would we"

"Well, no but, come on Sam, they started it"

"How?"

"By bein' United supporters of course"

"Funny"

"S'true"

"So, how we gonna get outta this then?"

"Dunno, got a midget and a block of ice stuffed anywhere useful?"

"When my hands are free, I'm gonna thump you"

"Promises, promises"

"HELP"

"What ya doin'!?!"

"Getting us outta the shit you dropped us in"

"But..but we're..."

"I don't even care, my nuts have gone blue and I can't feel my nob"

"Fine"

"HELP HELP"

"There in 'ere Chris, I found....Oh my god"

"Wh...Shit"

"Don't, just don't"

"Get us out of here"

"How? Ok, I'm gonna 'ave to ask..how in the 'ell did you two manage to get yaselves handcuffed to a radiator in nothin' but United scarves?"

"Ask our esteemed leader, but before you do, get me out of these things. Good job I never planned on kids, my bollocks are gonna fall off"

"Thought poofters could still 'ave kids?"

"Skelton....Run!"


End file.
